Wallowing: done. Rejoicing: in progress.

I admit it:  I needed to wallow, and wallow I did on Wednesday.  I stayed in PJs all day, on the couch, in tears.  People called to extend their condolences, and I let them.  You would have thought that Grandma got run over by a reindeer.  Not my proudest moment.  Not my most humiliating, either, but those are stories for another day...

Matthew took care of me, tucking me in with his blankie, giving me hugs and kisses, and asking "Are you afraid a cougar or a coyote will get Isabella? Should we call Daddy and tell him?"  He also reassured me "Isabella isn't crying.  She's happy at the orphanage!"

Of course he is right - Isabella does not know what she is missing, and if it were up to her, she would choose to stay at this point in her life.  She loves her special mothers.  We are strangers who will turn her world upside down.  A few more weeks or even months is not the end of the world.  Big picture, think big picture. 

We have done everything that we can to bring Isabella home as soon as possible.  From there, it is in His hands, and we have to let it go. There is a reason for this additional delay, a reason that we may never know, a reason that may not even be for our personal good.  My mind is confident the delays, like all things, will work together for good in the big picture.  I tend to be insignificant and lost in the big picture, however, so it is not the first vantage point that I take when things do not go according to my plan.  I do eventually get there.  My heart still hurts, but that's okay.

Isabella is surviving; that she is not thriving, we will deal with when we bring her home. We are privileged to have some of the best resources in the world at our disposal. Most of all, we love her.  It IS going to be okay, even if the outcome is not what we have planned. 

This latest delay will be a small speed bump that will disappear in the rearview mirror along a long and winding road that will have many more unexpected detours along the way.  Did I drive that analogy as far as it would go? Cue Life is a Highway soundtrack...

I cannot help but remember that the best things in our life -- our marriage, our children, our careers -- all came by way of events far outside of our plans. 

It took longer than it probably should have, but I have changed my attitude.  Isabella is our daughter, in fact in our hearts, and by law in Ethiopia.  We pray that we get to bring her home soon, but until we have her in our arms on a flight home, we should not count the days.  We love Matthew and Isabella with all of our hearts: distance does not change that.  We are doing everything that we can to care for our children; their ultimate care is in God's hands.  Christmas reminds us of God's love and grace.  No matter what our circumstances - and despite the past few days, our circumstances are still among the best in the world - we have hope in Jesus Christ, and peace that passeth all understanding. 

It is Christmas Eve, time to turn up the music, put the cookies in the oven, and begin celebrating one of the greatest moments in history: Christ's birth.  For God so loved the world, let us rejoice, give thanks, and declare again: Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom His favor rests. Luke 2:14

P.S.  A few minutes after I posted this, I received a new photo and video of Isabella from another adoptive mom who is in Addis Ababa for court.  Thank you Katie - you made our day!  I also just read another adoptive mom's blog.  Her post Joseph is Broken was a special encouragement.