Still #7

We will get our official waitlist number later this week, but as far as we know, we are STILL #7 on the baby girl list. We have been on the list 8 months, and had expected to be making travel plans by now.

This delay has me second-guessing everything. I am emotionally exhausted, frustrated, angry, confused...

Jon, of course, has a great attitude about it all. Him, after hearing me grumble for the umpteenth time today: "Everything happens for a reason!" Okay, I know that. Yes! Intellectually, I KNOW that! Can I get some sympathy anyways? How about "Okay, honey, you're right, poor you, here's a shoulder to cry on? Is that pity potty comfortable enough for you?"

My emotions continue to rebel against my mind. I've tried bribing them with chocolate, ice cream, potato chips, and finally ice cream with chocolate, but they are still rebelling. Meanwhile, I've gained 5 pounds in a day, which isn't going to help my attitude when I step on the scale tomorrow.

The irony of it all does not escape me. I am in the same emotional state that I was in when I found out we were expecting Matthew. "God, I KNOW that your plan is perfect, but come on, really? [tears] Have you looked at our budget? [frustration] Have you looked at our plans? [anger] Are you sure you didn't make a mistake? [confusion] It sure feels like it to me... [tears]" Even the potato chips and ice cream binge is all too familiar - and if this continues, I'll gain the same 50+ pounds this time 'round. Joy.

Yet, Matthew couldn't be more perfect. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. Everything worked out... well, perfectly.

And here we are again. Only this time, I cannot WAIT to hold my baby girl, and all I'm hearing is "Wait." Wait longer. And longer.

Let's recap. In the past 8 months, our agency has sent out 2 - 5 baby girl referrals a month. If the referral hiatus ends tomorrow, the earliest we may get a referral is July/August. The courts in Ethiopia close August and September for the rainy season. This puts us with a court date in October/November and a Gotcha day in December. December!

Deep breath. Okay.

Pray.

Pray for our daughter, who may not even be born yet. Pray for her birth family, who is struggling with issues that make my timing frustrations all the more petty. Pray for Ethiopia government officials coordinating adoption, as they continue to be overworked and understaffed. Pray for the orphanages and their workers, as they do their best to care for children with very limited resources. Pray for our agency's staff, as they too are burdened with the additional demands of the new two-trip policy and related processing delays. Pray that everything will fall into place and we will bring our daughter home much sooner than it seems possible at this time. Pray that we will have peace as we wait.

God's will be done.

Now where's the rest of that ice cream?