Gain vs. Loss

In the many hours of adoption education that we completed, one thesis statement still nags at me: "Adoption is built on loss." Yet, is not life itself built on loss? Because we live in a sinful world, we are immersed in loss - our very lives are lost without Christ. The most acute losses in our child's life predate adoption. To me, adoption is about gain after loss -- gaining a home, gaining a family, gaining opportunities, gaining love -- and I will gain every bit as much as she will.

I appreciate the following story, shared by another adoptive family:

***They recently spoke with an Ethiopian pastor in their hometown. The pastor grew up in Addis Ababa, the capital of Ethiopia. Raised Orthodox, he became an engineer and worked in that career for six years. After being introduced to Christ, he became a believer and came to the U.S. to get a seminary education so that he can eventually return and minister to his own people. He kept thanking this family for adopting two little boys. They kept assuring him that they are the ones being given the gift.

They then asked him how he felt about people saying negative things about Americans adopting Ethiopians - what was his opinion of taking children out of their heritage and culture and raising them as Americans? He just smiled and said, "Who is saying this? Americans or Ethiopians?" They told him they had only heard it from Americans.

He said, "Yes. Americans do not know poverty. Ask any person who has seen the real situation and they will not say these things." He was very passionate about this subject. He said, "The one thing these children need is someone to call Mom and Dad and to love them and make them part of their family. That is the most important thing. Does not compare to culture." He was very clear that he believes adoption is a very good thing for his people.***

I have never seen her photo, yet my daughter is the most beautiful girl in the world to me. I have never kissed her cheek, yet I can sense its softness beneath my lips. I have never held her hand, yet I can feel her tiny fingers grasping mine. I have never heard her laugh, yet my heart fills with joy as her voice echoes in my heart. I have never heard her cry, yet I feel her pain and my heart breaks. I know her diapers stink and her temper flares. I know she will bring me joy as well as sorrow, blessings as well as challenges. I know her, yet I have never met her.

She is my daughter, and I love her. Ruth 1:16