Responding to Challenges

The following challenges are a common theme in some of the comments that we have linked under "Reading List." They nevertheless caught me off guard and unprepared when they were made to me in person.

Despite the gentleness with which the views were expressed, I found myself getting defensive and struggling to find the words to respond. I resolved to better prepare for future challenges, so that I will have a "ready defense" that can be delivered calmly and thoughtfully. I will continue to hone these responses as time goes on - this will always be a work in progress.

In the end, there are many people who are critical of international adoption, and I will probably not change their minds, whatever I say. That’s okay, as long as I am satisfied that I have articulately explained my position and perhaps - just perhaps - given them another perspective.

Challenge: I think that it is better to provide families in [Ethiopia] with the resources to keep their children, instead of taking their children from them. (Bluntly, the “rich American parents stealing the poor African children” perspective.)

Response: There is absolutely a need to provide voluntary charity to assist families in every country to care for their own children. One of the reasons we selected AGCI as our agency is the in-country support that it offers expectant mothers. Such support, however, will not eliminate the need for adoptive families for Ethiopian children, any more than similar resources have eliminated the need for adoptive families for American children. We understand and treat with kindness parents in the U.S. who give their children up for adoption, and the families who adopt them (unwed teenage parents who chose adoption were recently lauded by Dr. Drew on national TV). Why should we do less for parents in Ethiopia and the families who adopt their children?

In addition to a higher rate of abandoned and voluntarily-relinquished children, there is generally a much higher rate of orphans in Ethiopia. This is not a “myth,” despite what some critics loudly proclaim. In a country that has been devastated by AIDS, the U.N. estimates that there are 10 million children in Ethiopia who have lost at least one parent.

Challenge: We should be careful judging living conditions in [Ethiopia] by Western standards.

Response: I agree that we should not judge a child's welfare by the living conditions she may have, whatever country she is in. I believe that a child is better off living in a cardboard box - whether under a bridge in Seattle or on a street corner in Addis Ababa - with a loving biological parent, than in a log home in *** with a loving adoptive family. I also believe, however, that there are parents in both the U.S. and Ethiopia who have legitimate reasons for giving up their children, and that there are parents in both the U.S. and Ethiopia who fail to provide minimal safety and care for their children. Adopting these children into loving homes, whether within their birth country or internationally, is preferable to raising these children in orphanages or leaving them on the streets. Note: 70% of children adopted internationally were previously in institutional group homes. http://www.aspe.hhs.gov/

Challenge: Adoptive children are robbed of their culture.

Response: Ethnicity should not limit a child's paramount right to a loving family. Children, regardless of where in the world they are born, do not deserve to grow up in an orphanage, nor do they deserve to be physically abused or neglected, in the name of culture or otherwise.

In parts of Ethiopia, 54% of girls are subject to painful and dangerous female "circumcision." The procedure, completed without anesthetic or antibiotics, can result in infections and hemorrhaging at the time, and complications during childbirth later. unicef.org/infobycountry/ethiopia_18246.html
Child marriages are also traditional in Ethiopia. Although illegal, child brides (some pre-puberty) are still common, and over 56% of girls are married before they reach the age of 18. npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6560441 In the U.S., we remove children from their homes and prosecute their parents when they participate in (sub)culture with similar practices.

I am not advocating removing children from their parents because of cultural practices, however reprehensible they may be. I am also not criticizing Ethiopian culture as a whole. In fact, Ethiopia has a rich culture filled with many laudable features and practices. We are excited and proud to link our family with Ethiopia. My point is simply this: leaving children to grow up in orphanages to preserve their birth culture wrongly idolizes culture and places general cultural practices ahead of an individual child’s well being.

Challenge: Everyone wants a baby from Africa these days!

Response: Some people incorrectly characterize international adoption trends as “fads.” In fact, trends can be understood in light of country conditions.

A few decades ago, many U.S. parents adopted children from Korea and Viet Nam. These countries were devastated by war that left tens of thousands of children orphaned or abandoned. Many were Amerasian, subject to prejudice and mistreatment. Requirements placed on adoptive parents were low, and timelines were accelerated.

China continues to be the #1 country for international adoptions. Its poorly funded orphanages are overflowing (because of its 1-child law) and orphanage infant mortality rates were at one time above 50%. Today, while there are countless Chinese children who need homes, the process can take over 3 years, the standards placed on adoptive parents are uncommonly high (income requirements alone disqualify many middle-class families), and the cost of an adoption is 20%+ higher than other countries, discouraging many prospective adoptive parents.

Now, adoption trends are shifting to Ethiopia and certain other African countries. Ethiopia has a relatively high number of orphaned and abandoned children, and pervasive poverty resulting in low in-country non-relative adoptions. In addition, age, income, assets, education and other adoption requirements in Ethiopia are among the least restrictive of any country. Parents who are single, overweight, under 25, have been married only a few years, have more than two children in the home, have a modest net worth, and/or have an annual income of less than $10,000 per family member may not qualify to adopt from many countries other than Ethiopia.

Challenge: [some statement that ends with] Madonna!

Response: Madonna met Mercy when she was an infant in an orphanage. After waiting [2] years, during which Madonna donated significant money to fund in-country improvement projects, Mercy was still in an orphanage. Madonna finally chose to adopt Mercy into her family, rather than watch her continue to grow up in an orphanage. Critics suggest that Madonna should give Mercy's father money to keep Mercy in his home. Mercy's father - who abandoned her mother and did not visit her once in the orphanage, even as he was appearing on national television decrying Madonna - is presumed by these critics to be a loving man who would adequately care for his daughter if only he had the resources. If this entire scenario had played out in the U.S., the critics’ responses would be very different. Why should the response change - why should assumptions and the rights of the child change - based solely on geography, cloaked in terms like “culture?”

Challenge: Mothers in [Ethiopia] are paid to give up their babies.

Response: Actually, when a mother in Ethiopia chooses adoption, the adoptive parents may not pay her living expenses or give her any kind of support or payment. Even nominal gifts must be preapproved by the adoption agency to confirm that they do not rise to the level of a payment or bribe. In contrast, when an expectant mother in the U.S. gives her baby up for adoption, the adoptive parents can pay her living and medical expenses for several months leading up to birth.

Challenge: Children are kidnapped off the streets in [Ethiopia] for adoption!

Response: Children are kidnapped off the streets in the U.S. too! Children who are kidnapped by strangers - in any country - are almost always kidnapped for illegal, immoral purposes, not otherwise legal adoptions. There are more children over the age of 2 seeking homes than there are parents seeking to adopt them. In economic terms, the "supply" of children (other than babies) outweighs the "demand." There is little incentive to kidnap children - no economic reward - unless the purpose is something other than to have the children join a loving family. Yes, there is overall a greater demand for babies, and in very rare cases babies are stolen and sold in the context of adoption. This happens in every country and is unconscionable and illegal. Most children who are available for adoption, however, are voluntarily relinquished by their parents or caregivers, are orphans, or are removed from their homes with due process. We are confident that our baby will not have been bought or kidnapped, and we will likely have an opportunity to meet her biological family.

Conclusion: Of the nearly 150 million orphans worldwide, approximately 5 million orphans are in Ethiopia. http://www.unicef.com/ In 2009, there were 12,753 international adoptions in the U.S., including 2,277 adoptions of Ethiopian children. http://www.adoption.state.gov/ Yes, there are a host of underlying issues that need to be addressed. As we've said before, however, children grow up fast - faster than the problems of the world will be solved. In the meantime, our prayer is that the number of adoptions will increase exponentially, until every child has a "forever family" regardless of the child's - or the adoptive parent's - race, ethnicity, age, culture, martial status, sexual orientation, health, wealth, politics, or religion.